Comments for Kristine's Blog!

Comment on Revised Poem by ryank248

ryank248 — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 17:01:30 +0000

Kristine,
I love what you have done with this poem. I really liked your first draft, but this one is even better. I notice how you have transitioned from a list of objects/things related to summer, towards a deeper meaning relative to these objects concerning the fleeting of this season and the simple joy that comes with summer. I love the metaphor: “eighteen packs of burnt shoulders.” This line stuck out to me because it had a lot of energy. I feel like you were able to capture the unexpectedness that Megan was talking about in class. It’s definitlely an image that sticks out in the reader’s mind. I would like to know more, maybe in another stanza, about the people who fill up your summer, and maybe what happens at summers end when you are forced to move on and say goodbye.
-Kelly

Comment on Revised Poem by masonm

masonm — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 18:52:35 +0000

Kristine,
I didn’t get to read your rough draft of this poem, but I like what you have going on in this draft. I was struck particularly by the amount of imagery and interesting similes. Some favorite lines: “Acoustic songs drenched in light beer.” “An eighteen pack of burnt shoulders.” “Sun-soaked hair the color of old dandelions.” I also really like the feeling of melancholy you evoke at the end.
I think you could do more with this by getting more specific about the specific location and what’s going on in this scene.

Comment on Personal Universe Deck of Cards! by katrinar

katrinar — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 22:07:31 +0000

I also love “thunder” I never though of that as a sound. I was thinking of more like bang, zip, buzz etc. Thunder was a great idea. I also love the concept of faith.

Comment on Personal Universe Deck of Cards! by fulwilem

fulwilem — Sat, 29 Mar 2008 12:40:39 +0000

Kristine,
Love “thunder”! And “ledgerdemain” is fascinating–I love learning new words. That’s could be very interesting to try and use in a poem.

Megan

Comment on What if.. by fulwilem

fulwilem — Mon, 24 Mar 2008 14:05:05 +0000

Kristine,
Why didn’t George ever get married? Did something happen that prevented it? Was he afraid? Was it a conscious choice? Is his car some kind of replacement for lost love or missing love?

Megan

Comment on Quite the character. by fulwilem

fulwilem — Sun, 24 Feb 2008 15:47:17 +0000

Kristine,
You’re creating a sympathetic character here with George. It sounds like he’s done all the “right things,” yet here he is at almost 70 (which isn’t that old) and he sounds incredibly lonley. If his kids aren’t around that much, I’m sure that the physical aspects (photos and objects) were incredibly important to him. Where his he living now? How does he try to start over (or will he try?) Is there someone in his new lviing situation who might help him?

Megan

Comment on Quite the character. by monlynne410

monlynne410 — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 03:51:04 +0000

I don’t have a question for you Kristine, I just wanted to say that your description was amazing. I actually pictured George in my head while reading these few paragraphs!

Comment on Workshop and things. by fulwilem

fulwilem — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 15:52:49 +0000

Kristine,
Wow! Your writing here about the “middle child syndrome” adds an important and rich layer to your draft. Here I learn about a much larger and more important context for your draft–the sense of being invisible or not noticed.
Megan

P.S. Don’t forget to do your weekly reading responses by Sunday at midnight! They’re a required part of the course.

Comment on Prompts derived from “Rain” by fulwilem

fulwilem — Fri, 01 Feb 2008 19:53:22 +0000

Kristine,
It looks like you really got on a roll! What happens if you stick to the prompts and use them to generate short new writing about your memoir topic?

Megan

Comment on Hello world! by Mr WordPress

Mr WordPress — Mon, 28 Jan 2008 19:43:19 +0000

Hi, this is a comment.
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